Marx: Cross-selling is our culture’s hemorrhoids | lifestyles

No, I’m not sorry for you Cubs lovers. I still hate your team, your expensive tickets and your lackluster stadium. No apologies on that front.

My contempt – and I can’t tell you how much I don’t like being a sellout – has been far from the norm..

All this time, I’ve been calling the most annoying and biggest bustle on earth by the wrong name. Holy Cab – Air Filter – Industrial Oil – Premium Oil – Gas – Red Meat – Chicken Scam, I was misleading and wrong.

At every turn all these years, people haven’t tried to sell me, they’ve been trying to sell me—and you—and the naive teen at the checkout counter and the unknowing grandmother in line for what she thought would be a lot less than $30 for a car wash.

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That’s right, the most annoying scam on the planet is called cross-selling. You made me bitter for false deception.

I just learned that the extra sale will buy one copy of something and leave with a higher copy. I call that cool suit for New Car Sale 101.

Heck, you expect it. This is the workmanship. I haven’t bought the car or TV I planned to buy in 30 years.

Cross-selling is hemorrhoids in our culture. It’s the (sometimes) cute lady/dude in the store asking me if I’d like cream cheese for a bagel or chips for my sandwich or a dozen donuts and I say some very expensive chicken tenders are available for purchase. All this after you just spent $60 in gas and another $15 in other items.

That’s when I politely tell them it wasn’t their business to sell (cross sell) to me and if I wanted all the crap they wanted to add to my bill, I’d pick it up before I went out.

The following is always the excerpt: “It’s part of my job and the manager makes us,” which I encounter: “Is there a raise in your salary if you make me buy something extra, like a commission increase?”

If that’s the case, I tell them, we have something and I agree to the extra hustle. I’m a terrible salesperson, but I admire who can. But there is no commission and there is usually no manager—a district chief chased by an owner—to beat up each client in hopes of siphoning off an extra $4.27 for them. If the person doing the rant is rewarded for their efforts, I’m subscribed.

Up-se… oops, cross-selling, has been around for years. My first taste was in high school when I agreed to the pepper and onion in a Hungry Hobo sandwich, and I never realized it was an extra 15 cents for such a tasty addition. Sadly, I get to cross-sell on every trip back for chips and cookies to what was once my favorite sandwich shop in the local landscape.

And… let’s not forget the old man’s fast food but dessert. “Want cheese on your quart pounder?” Or your favorite family restaurant that says at the end of your meal, “I know you want dessert.” Add 75 cents to one and $4 or more to the other.

Unfortunately, with everyone trying to scam an extra profit from the next guy, the cross-selling isn’t going anywhere. This is sad.

Even worse is the hustle and scam that the wrong name has been cross-selling for all these years.

And for that I’m sorry. Once again Cubs fans, not you.

Now, though, when someone tries to get me out of a few extra bucks, I’ll finally get a proper return.

“Sir/Madam: … do not sell me.”

Columnist John Marks can be reached at 309757 8388 or [email protected]

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